Supercommunicators, by Charles Duhigg
Supercommunicators, by Charles Duhigg
Now that I’m using Reading Refresh to keep myself up to date on books I’ve read in the past, I thought I’d share some of them as they came back up. Today is Charles Duhigg’s “Supercommunicators“.
It’s been a few years since I’ve read this book, so I thought it was time to give it a bit of a refresh. The book is billed as tools on “how to unlock the secret language of connection” and it gives a lot of tips in that direction.
I’ve written about lessons in this books a few times over the years with some of the core concepts.
Looping for understanding. “There’s a technique for this—looping for understanding. Here’s how it works: Ask questions, to make sure you understand what someone has said. Repeat back, in your own words, what you heard. Ask if you got it right. Continue until everyone agrees we understand.”
Having “learning conversations”. Our goal, for the most meaningful discussions, should be to have a “learning conversation.” Specifically, we want to learn how the people around us see the world and help them understand our perspectives in turn.
Why am I talking? “The most effective communicators pause before they speak and ask themselves: Why am I opening my mouth? Unless we know what kind of discussion we’re hoping for—and what type of discussion our companions want—we’re at a disadvantage.”
Appreciate their interests. Ask open-ended questions and listen closely. Get people talking about how they see the world and what they value most. Even if you don’t learn, right away, what others are seeking—they might not know themselves—you’ll at least inspire them to listen back. “If you want the other side to appreciate your interests,” Fisher wrote, “begin by demonstrating that you appreciate theirs.”
The identity threat of outgroups. “Our social identities push us unthinkingly to see people like us—what psychologists call our ingroup—as more virtuous and intelligent, while those who are different—the out-group—as suspicious, unethical, and possibly threatening. Social identities help us relate to others, but they can also perpetuate stereotypes and prejudice.”
Draw out multiple identities. “Draw out multiple identities. Ask people about their backgrounds, communities, the organizations and causes they support, and where they come from. Share your identities in return. We all contain multiple selves; none of us are one-dimensional. It helps to be reminded of that.“
Much of the book comes down to a single lesson first found in Dale Carnegie’s classic “How to Win Friends and Influence People” where Carnegie simply said “To be interesting, be interested.”
Duhigg is an excellent communicator himself, and the lessons in this book are quite solid. I encourage you to check it out for yourself, or you can watch this quick 5-minute video from Reading Refresh for a bit more of an overview of the book.