Shari Levitin has a theory that the two main things a leader needs are competency and empathy, and empathy needs to come first. If you lead with empathy to build a relationship, then your competency can come into play to help close the deal. If you’re lacking either one, you’re out.
Ultimately, she says that trust is formed with five pieces: Empathy to open the door, and then reliability, competency, integrity and vulnerability will help keep you there.
Here is Shari breaking it down with a short story:
Empathy
Empathy is easy to consider, but can be tricky to really uncover. I think there are a few things we can all do to help increase our level of empathy for others:
Appreciate the concept of sonder, that everyone has a story as rich and deep as yours. It’s easy to feel like the main character in life, but no one else sees you that way.
Try to see both sides of every situation, especially those you disagree with, and then learn to engage with compassion for both sides.
Try to figure out the reason why others act the way they do. Maybe they’re jerks, or maybe you’re showing up in a way that brings out the worst in them.
It takes work. Beyond the overall concepts I listed above, focused effort (like the salesperson did with Shari’s husband in the video above) can make a huge difference. Finding mutual friends and interests can make a huge difference.
You still need to be able to back things up with competence to build your trust, but empathy needs to come first.
You've touched on it many times, but just sayin', feel free to write that "how to have empathy" short course I can master in a couple of days.